Haven: Collapse 3: Revelations

[amichan]

 

It's a very long tunnel that I'm crawling down but then it's up and up, careful to not pull out the precariously balanced wood and metal; have to get to the top, have to climb. Things are shaking. Where is she?

Falling.

Falling.

 

I'm not sure if I startle Julia awake when I jolt awake myself or if she already was but just didn't expect me to move so suddenly. She's sitting by the side of my bed holding my right hand. My left has the drip in it and a weird clippy thing stuck on one finger. There's a beeping machine by the side of the bed giving the room a strange blue glow.

This is not the Cape Rouge. This is the hospital.

"Hey..." she says, kissing my right hand.

"You tricked me," I tell her. My throat is dry making my voice raspy but my skin doesn't itch and I don't feel like I need to rip my clothes off to cool down. That's something.

She gives a vaguely wicked smile, "I only trick you for your own good, remember?" she leans over cautiously, and kisses me on the lips but only gently, "No bitey vampire gypsy?"

"No. No bitey vampire gypsy," I answer, "At least not right now."

She kisses me more deeply and then feels my cheek and my forehead, "You feel more normal," she leans around me and looks at the monitor, "Definitely. That's good, see? How do you feel?"

I lean back, "Less like I want to crawl out of my skin."

"See? I was right. What would I have done with you if we went home, anyway? Locked you in the hold until things were right and listened to you suffering in horrible pain?"

I roll my head to the side and look at her carefully but I can't say anything.

"You know I'm right, don't you?"

I nod, carefully.

"It's not your fault," she cups my chin with her hand, "You weren't exactly in the best frame of mind for logical thought," she taps my nose with one finger.

"I suppose not. When can we get out of here?"

"Duke...we need to be sure you're stable before you leave. Everything's fine at The Gull I'm keeping an eye. So, you can't use that as an excuse."

"Fine."

"I know you're not right yet. You're staying here. I will get Nathan to cuff you if I have to," she says.

"Oh, please. Like I can't get out of hand cuffs."

She gives me a look, "Under any other circumstances I would believe that," she says, "but I have a feeling if you hold out your hands right now they'd be a bit too shaky to hold a fork let alone pick a lock." That's a rough truth to hear. I close my eyes again. I just...don't, "What's your problem with being here?" she continues.

"It's not home, and too many people and opportunities..."

"No one is out to hurt you, and thanks to your family's journal I've found nurses and orderlies who are very happy to work on a member of the family who is the reason their family isn't plagued by a horrible and deadly Trouble so you're very safe. Added bonus no assholes like that paramedic to deal with. Though he'd changed his tune by the time we got here. You'll be fine," she squeezes my hand.

"I don't like being like this again." I tell her, "Especially not where..."

"What do you mean--?"

Audrey saying "knock-knock" at the door cuts Julia's question off. She and Nathan are standing just outside. Audrey has a few covered scrapes on her face and hands. Nathan's left arm is in a cast and sling. He's also scraped up and covered with band-aids. Julia gets an odd smile which I think is in part that Nathan has remembered the rules for being around me and isn't just letting the cuts meet the air. I can still smell the blood but it doesn't nag at me quite so badly as it would have whenever it was I was last awake.

"Come on in," I tell them.

"Good to see you in the land of the living," she says.

"Well, I think Julia would fight Death itself if it tried to take me."

"Damn straight," Julia answers, "I didn't let the Barn keep you--and this is nothing in comparison," she pats my hand.

Audrey sits down. Nathan remains standing by the wall. His mouth is the usual straight line.

"Seems no one got out unscathed today," I point out.

"It's fine," he says, a slight smile twitches at the edge of his lips, "It doesn't hurt."

"Rub it in why don't you?" I mutter.

"Well, if you will do-it-yourself piercings of your foot with a giant piece of metal," Audrey points out.

"This is the last time I rescue you from a collapsed building," I tell her.

"It damn well better be the last time you're in a collapsed building." Julia warns.

I take her hand with mine and squeeze it tightly, "I will endeavor to comply with my lady's wishes."

"Well," Audrey says, softly, "There aren't any more building collapsing Troubles. So, that will help with that."

"Yeah..." I answer, looking off towards the wall. Julia takes a turn to squeeze my hand and run her thumb across the back of my palm.

I have to masochistically ask, "How's The Herald covering this one? Another gas leak?"

A look goes between the three of them.

"Weak foundations caused by broken plumbing lines leaking. House collapse." Nathan answers.

"You're in the paper though," Audrey adds.

I turn my head to Julia, "Please to explain why? And please tell me there are no pictures."

"The Herald thought it might be a good idea to let the town know that you risked your life and health saving Audrey, Carrie and well, trying to save Madeline," Julia says, primly, "and that subsequently you're in the hospital because of personal injury, physical exhaustion and what was it?"

"Adrenal burnout," Audrey adds, "I think there was dehydration, too. We can get you a copy."

"And no, there are no pictures of you, despite what Uncle Dave tried. Your wench wouldn't allow it while you weren't looking your best." Julia adds.

"Thank you," I lean over and kiss her.

"I still can't believe you lead us on with this trust and friendship thing for so long," Audrey says, leaning back in her seat, "I knew there was something."

"Yeah. Yeah," I wave a hand at her, "and the trust and friendship thing still stands you know. It is the most important, even if someone is conspiring with the hospital staff to keep me here."

"For your own good," she smacks my shoulder. I rub it and pout but she just sticks her tongue out at me, "I told him I'd get you to cuff him if necessary, Nathan."

"I am always happy to put handcuffs on Duke," Nathan remarks.

"Nice to know you have my back, Wuornos."

"You leaving would be a danger to yourself," he says, "Do you have that sort of hold on your record yet?"

"Not in Haven."

"That's what they had him on in Boston," Julia points out.

"But, I mean, I'd lost six months as far as they were concerned, and someone had quit the P.D. and pissed off a whole town so that didn't help some of my contact efforts."

"We're not going to rehash that again, are we?" he asks.

"I think someone's rambling through various distracting topics," Julia wheedles.

"He's the one who brought up psych holds," I point out.

"I still can't believe it spit you out in Boston," Audrey says.

"I'm just glad it wasn't the Antarctic or the middle of Death Valley. I really wasn't dressed for either. Though the second one would have offered a better chance of rescue, and that it didn't keep me twenty-seven years."

Julia shudders, "Yes. No. Not that," she kisses my hand again.

"You are doing okay though? After all that you had to do considering the other day?"

"Sure," I nod.

Julia squeezes my hand and when I look at her she's leveling a stern gaze at me.

"Well," I say, looking at her and then turning back, "yesterday? wasn't quite so good, but then someone had her nurse conspirators lay one on me," Julia starts to say something, "but—but I'm feeling a good bit better right now, so I have to admit that you were right on that and I was wrong," I direct at the tiny concerned girlfriend can't resist adding, "I still say that we should be able to go home now."

Nathan rattles handcuffs that are in his hip pocket.

"It doesn't matter that he's one handed," Audrey points out, "I have a pair too."

"That makes it all the better," Julia says, "Then we can chain your arms out like this," she spreads her arms wide, "Pick the locks then."

I glower at her.

Julia sighs, "Okay, make you a deal. Blood test to see how you're really doing and a solid meal for both of us while we wait for the result and if you're feeling good and the tox screen comes back good, we go home."

"Blood test?"

"Yes. It'll see how your body's doing. The doctor's found a way to see what goes on with your system when it's processing things—shows how the Trouble affects you. It..." she hesitates, looking at Audrey and Nathan.

"May as well. I already had it out with Audrey in the "hole" and Nate's going to make assumptions if he doesn't hear it straight."

Nathan's mouth returns to that thin line again. Audrey elbows him in the side not that it does anything to him but I imagine it makes her feel better.

"It...when the doctor got the results back he said it was like your body was processing it's way through a drug cocktail that was one part illegal drug, two parts highly restricted drugs, and one part something they couldn't even describe. He said he'd be worried if you weren't a Crocker and hadn't just...taken in a Trouble but that's why these things hit you so hard on the down swing."

I can't help but snort and shake my head, leaning back on the pillow. I take my right hand out of hers and put it up to my head, "Just brilliant."

When I look back down I see Audrey has a hand covering her mouth. Nathan's lips are pressed so tightly together they've practically disappeared. He's turned towards the wall by the door.

"Well," I muster, "This explains so much about my family, well, so much more about them." I shake my head, "It's a high, such a brief one, and the crash is just...shit...and..." I'm leaning forward again.

Julia scratches the back of my head, "So, you agree to the blood test?"

"Yes. Fine," I say into my knees, "If it'll get me out of here."

"It'll get you out of here if the tests say you're good enough. That's the deal, remember?"

"Right. Right."

She pushes the call button this time instead of going and getting someone.

"You've been doing well so far," Nathan remarks.

"It was just a lot this time," Audrey points out.

"That's all it can take at least this was for a good cause." I manage a laugh. Not some dumb celebration party in New Orleans that leaves you chasing a dragon for about a year.

Julia pushes the button again and looks towards the door irritated.

"Not youthful stupidity?" Nathan asks.

I give him a look. He returns it.

"What am I missing?" Audrey asks, "Is this a Haven Thing? or a growing up in Haven thing?"

"This is a Duke thing," Nathan says.

"So, it's a growing up in Haven thing," she says.

"Not entirely," I say, "It really depends on what he's talking about, because there were a lot of things said about That Crocker Boy while we were growing up that were not exactly true—people thought I was using..."

"And a lot of things that were," Nathan answers, "It didn't help that you kept disappearing and then they kicked you out."

"They'd been looking for an excuse for that forever. I wasn't exactly a model student," I clarify for Audrey.

"Really?" she jokes, "and I was so certain what with the snakes in lockers and all."

"One snake. One locker," I shake my head, "I would be surprised people actually remembered me my attendance was so poor, but I'm a Crocker, so...but I'm sure the staff threw a party once I was gone. Probably with what they "confiscated" from my locker. Like I was ever stupid enough to leave anything in there."

"So you did deal?" Nathan says.

"Weed, Nate. Don't get all on your high horse. And again not from my locker.” We're not going to talk about the bootlegging, “I'm not an idiot. You don't hide that shit on school property. But that was years ago...and I think I've done pretty damn well without their piece of paper."

Julia leans over to cuddle against me. I half expect her to stick her tongue out at Nathan. If she does I don't see it.

"You're a smuggler and criminal." Nathan mutters.

"We all have our skill sets." I point out, "and I have a bar now, which is completely above board. Thank you very much."

"Hm," Nathan remarks. The tone suggests he has searched many hours trying to find something about The Gull to get me on and been very, very frustrated. The liquor license was a mix-up when it changed hands and names, everything else since then has been fine. Must burn him something awful.

“How many of Duke's contacts have you needed anyway?” Julia points out.

“Let's not...” Nathan starts.

“Fine. Fine,” Julia mutters.

"And here you were complimenting him yesterday and everything," Audrey remarks.

"That was real?" I ask, "I thought I was dreaming."

Nathan grimaces. A nurse comes in then, apologizing for taking a while. Julia explains what we want done. She opens drawers to get supplies, takes my blood and leaves us. Julia also asks for some food.

"What was the this about being complimentary?" Julia continues.

Audrey says, “I don't know exactly he wouldn't explain said it wasn't his place, but now they're back to hating each other after Nathan had been being so mysteriously nice."

Julia laughs, "Well, that always happens when one of them gets hurt."

"That's just because he's not allowed to die on me," Nathan points towards his left forearm with his right hand.

"Yeah, yeah," I tell him, "You know you were lost without me."

"What exactly were you saying?" Julia asks when Nathan says nothing she turns to Audrey with an inquiring eyebrow.

"Only that Duke's strong and he's gotten through things like this before and--"

"Well, yes," Julia agrees, "We manage it every time he's had to use his Trouble before. We have a system...this time was just worse probably because he had to use the boosts first..."

"Then how wasn't I here back then?" Audrey asks.

Damn it, Nathan. Nathan looks away from me.

Julia looks at me and then takes my hand again and squeezes it, "What's wrong?"

"You did beat it though whatever it was," Nathan says, "and I'm guessing by yourself somehow, and now you have Julia so..."

I'm not going to be able to get rid of them and just tell Julia am I? "...actually I had Julia then too."

Nathan raises an eyebrow and then ponders this for a moment.

Audrey has a hand to her temple, "I'm so confused..." she murmurs.

"One of the idiotic things he did when we were growing up—well, it'd be just after high school, right?” he looks at me for confirmation.

"To be fair," I add, "I did various illicit things, and have since...but," I shake my head.

"You were using. I ran into you at one point at Valufoods when you were stocking up and you didn't actually recognize me and that wasn't the first time I'd seen you just the first time I'd--"

At Valufoods when, “Wait a minute...did you call your Dad on me?”

He looks uncomfortable for half a second, “Yes,” he admits.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

Now he looks confused. I feel Julia's hand having tensed on my arm. Audrey looks equally confused.

“So, you were hooked on something,” Nathan says.

I nod, “Heroin. At that point I was trying to...” I shake my head, but that sets things spinning, “You get stupid ideas when you're addicted though. Oh, I can cut back, wean myself off and it won't be so bad detoxing,” I snort, “Yeah. No. I was sort of realizing that was dumb and I need to quit-quit, and then I talked to him, and that gave me that extra...push.”

"Wait—that's what that was," Julia murmurs.

"What?" Audrey queries.

"When you were so sick while we were fixing up the Cape but you didn't want to come to the doctor in town. Oh, well, of course, Mom would have found out, but that stomach flu that not yet chief brought the meds to help you get through. You were detoxing..."

I nod. Just then an orderly comes in with a tray of food breaking the strained tension. Julia gives Audrey a look. Audrey stands up and puts her hand on Nathan's shoulder.

“Oh, yes,” he says.

“It was good to see you,” Audrey says, “Let us know if you get out.”

Julia assures them that we will as the orderly wheels a table around with the covered tray of food on it. Audrey waves from the door, following Nathan out.

“What have we got?” Julia asks the orderly, a burly man whose name tag says Meers.

He lifts the cover off with a flourish it's a pie, of some sort, baked into a bowl and french fries, and a small bowl of fruit. There are two bottles of water laying down on the tray as well and some napkins as well as a knife and fork.

“Anything else I can get you?” he asks, “More blankets? Pillows? The nurse said the blood results will be at least another hour. She's put as much of a rush on them as she can.”

Julia nods. She turns to me, “I think we're good?”

“How's your pain level, sir?”

“Sir?” I query, “Wow. I must look like shit. Duke is fine, please. I haven't started rapidly aging again, have I?”

“No,” Julia assures.

“Pain level, though?” Meers asks, again.

I shrug.

“Top him off,” Julia says.

“I'll send in the nurse,” the orderly nods and leaves.

“I told you they like you,” Julia says.

“Sir, though?” I query, shaking my head, “and what's with the 'top him off'? Trying to turn me into a drug addict?”

“You're in pain,” she says, “don't try to pull it over on me and this,” she waves at the bag, “is something that is okay with the doctor. It's what we've had you on this whole time. Well, as well as what we've been knocking you out with...” she ruffles her hand in my hair and then pulls the table closer on it's wheels, “Come on. Let's get some food in you, Boss,” she picks up the fork and cracks the shell on the pie to let some of the heat out, and then opens one of the bottles of water and brings it to my lips. I reach for the bottle but she puts my hand down, “Come on, now,” she says with a sly smile, “Just play like you're the Pirate King and I'm the Serving Wench.”

“Really?” I point out, “That's...that could...”

The nurse comes in then to adjust the pain medication and Julia stifles a giggle, “Did I interrupt something?”

“Just her being evil,” I answer.

The nurse laughs herself, and changes out the drip and makes some adjustments to things. She says she's working on getting the results back and will be in with them as soon as she can. Then she waves temporary farewell.

Julia gives me water and sips some herself, then she scoops up some of the pie, which turns out to be a chicken pot pie and carries it over to my mouth. I realize how hungry I am once I smell it, and am obedient to be fed a few bites, and drink the water, and eat some fries. She takes a few of those herself, teasing me with them before snatching them away to eat them, prompting me to kiss her for being an evil wench. The pirate/wench routine is tantalizing and frustrating because nothing can go further with it considering I'm full of tubes in certain places but if we can go home they'll have to take things out of me.

Despite having felt so hungry the pie is only half gone before my appetite dries up.

“It's okay,” Julia says. She's pensive though, and turns the fork over and over in the remains of the pie staring at it, "The day we went grocery shopping and I went home early...Garland Wuornos came by to talk to me."

I remember him stopping by the Cape a couple of times during the whole thing too. I have to think, but in the mean time I ask Julia, "Oh?"

"He asked me about you, how you were treating me. He asked me if I had any reason to believe you were on drugs, either illegal or misusing legal stuff. I said no. I didn't know back then, I didn't know until today. But he knew, didn't he?"

"Yeah...that morning you came up and he was leaving he was telling me he was glad I kept that shit away from you...I wasn't...happy with myself..." I find myself plucking at the blanket, "for being an...asshole drug addict around you at all..."

Julia shakes her head, “You weren't an asshole,” she assures me.

I snort in response to that, because I may have been high but I remember quite a lot of what I did.

“Well...not to me,” she continues with a slight grin.

“Yeah,” I point out, “If that guy in Valufoods was Nate...well...”

She gives an off hand wave, “It's Nathan.”

“But no,” I persist, “if he had been some of the other people I dealt with I could have put you in real danger which kinda brought shit home to me.”

She's quiet for a moment, “Duke...did I do alright, taking care of you? Was there anything I could have done better if...if I'd known...?"

I breathe out long and slow trying to think because how the hell would I know, “I don't know...I never got through myself before. ..not that I..." head-shake, "I wouldn't have been lying to you...I don't think I would have gotten through without you I'd have been diving through that dumpster...or trying, would have probably fallen off the gang plank and drowned."

"If you'd told me, I would have had to tell Garland and then he might have sided with Uncle Vince to keep me from seeing you. So...I'm glad I didn't know,” she takes a deep breath which has minxish overtones, “Besides, you weren't the only one keeping a secret back then."

"...I guess. He was very happy I had kept the shit away from you,” I say, my brain catching up then with what she's said. I look over at her. She's wearing a look on her face reminding me that I really want to know what this secret is, “and who what now?" back then I didn't know she was adopted, but I do now and her expression lends that this is something much more devilish, “Did you hatch from an egg?”

"When he dropped off the medicine for you, and you'd gone to hide in the bathroom,” more like had to rush there lest things explode all over the boat but okay, “and I had to drag you back? Your pants...stayed behind a little bit."

Oh, “So, you saw my..." suddenly I'm six and can only gesture towards my crotch, “back then?”

“And treasured the memory for years." She grins.

I can't help but laugh "You naughty wench -- no wonder you didn't want me to pay you," I put up my hands in a don't hit me gesture given I know full well, thanks to several heated arguments that is completely not the reason.

She blushes so red that it's fully adorable, "That's not why and you know it!"

“I know. I know,” I assure her, pulling her over to kiss her.

When the kiss breaks apart she's laughing too, "Can you imagine if my mom had ever found out that you gave me money after I saw your naughty bits?"

Thinking of the look on Eleanor's face is equally amusing, "Oh, man...I think that would have induced a brain embolism..."

"I'm glad you let me help you,” she says, her voice slightly smaller.

"I appreciate very much that you were willing; back then," I feel my voice catching and tears burning at the back of my eyes, "I didn't--I wasn't used to that at all. Every day you came back I was so surprised."

She leans close and hugs me. I kiss the top of her head, "I was afraid I was annoying you, that first day. But you put up with me crying on you, and then you..." a small laugh escapes her, "Couldn't keep me away with chains and wild tigers after that."

"You were never really annoying. Well..." I give a slight laugh now, "when you're being insufferably right about me being an idiot about something...but, no that was all me being too high for my own good." Insisting I was fine despite zoning out every ten-twenty minutes or so, snipping here and there. Yeah, I was great.

"If I'd known,” she says, “I wouldn't have let you go into town and risked being made to walk the plank for my mutiny."

I think about that for a moment, but imagining me who had just shot up and was in that nice smooth place where everything nasty and negative was just sliding away being confronted with something like that, “Yeah, I can't say how that would have gone. I would have been adamant I was fine, that I do know."

She snorts, "I know. How long were you...using...?"

I exhale through clenched teeth, "...that was July? New Orleans was...August...so almost a year."

She has an odd look for a moment and I realize she's possibly calculating something, "...and I never knew,” her tone becomes very stern then, "If you ever hide something like that from me again, I'm going to be very unhappy with you."

“I don't--” I start to say but then the nurse comes back in and she's holding a handful of papers.

Julia gets up to talk to her and I can tell I'm not going anywhere even before Julia turns back to me.

“I'm very sorry,” the nurse says to me.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Julia says, “We're definitely here tonight.”

I lean my head back against the pillow.

She sits back down next to me, “You can't,” she starts and then coughs, “Look at me,” I turn my head, and she's putting on a slightly muted version of the puppy eyes, “You can't tell me you're feeling anywhere near well. When Nathan and Audrey were here that was the first time you've cracked anything remotely jokey since you've been awake.”

I reach a hand to her cheek, “I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you...”

She puts her hand on my hand, “It's not your fault. I know their visit and the air clearing just now has to have helped, but please stop talking about going home until we're told that everything is looking good in your system and you're actually feeling better not just trying to force yourself to feel better, okay? Now that I know what was going on before...I...just, please.”

“Okay,” I kiss her hand.

“Thank you,” she says, “Because worried your tiny girlfriend is.”

“I'm sorry,” I lean over to kiss her and she accepts the kiss, tongues tangling and I feel myself tingling which is both good and really, really, uncomfortable. I'm both disappointed and glad when we break apart.

“Don't be sorry,” she says, “I know you're stubborn, Boss. It's part of your charm,” then she points at me, “Remember what I said though. If you keep anything like that from me again.”

“What constitutes like that?” I ask her, “I mean...I'm not intending to go out and start using anything. The only addictive thing in my life is this damn Trouble and that's why I'm—I know I still get stupid and “I'm fine” it sometimes but—that got...drummed into me when I was a kid and it's hard to break, but that's why when I was more...”

“Sober?” she offers, “Sane? You are talking about the “take care of my dumb ass any way I have to” clause, right?”

“Yes,” I say, “That; but I don't want to be on anything, definitely not back on that and I don't want to be going around actually vampiring Troubled people, which I know you know. I'm just—I need to repeat that to myself right now.”

She takes hold of my hands which I was gesturing with and which are starting to shake, “Okay,” she says.

“Coming up, when we were getting to know each other there were a lot of things I didn't talk about because I didn't want to dump my shit on you. I especially didn't want to throw anything drugs wise on you. You didn't need anything remotely like that fucking up your life. I liked talking about the fun and good things that I had going on. I liked hearing about the things you had going on. Especially that summer it kept me plugging on to get and stay clean. I didn't want to be a fuck-up. I'd—I'd always told myself I wasn't going to be like my parents. It was Garland pointing that out to me that kicked the last nail in to things and made sure that I threw all the shit away. It's between you being here,” I pull one hand out of her grasp and put it to my chest. I know my voice is catching again. My emotions are all over the place, “without you through all this I don't know because...and—and wanting to actually be able to be a father to Jean that is keep--”

She's kissing me again, when we separate she brushes some of my hair away from my face and then kisses my nose, “It's okay. It is. I'm always going to be here for you. If you ever want to talk I'll be here to listen but you don't have to talk right now. If there's anything going on, let me help, you know I'll do everything I can to help you.”

“I know,” I nod.

She has her hand cupped round my chin, “but right now you should get some more rest if you're not going to eat any more of this,” she points to the pie.  

“Have you eaten lately?”

She looks as though I just caught her trying to sneak out of class, “...I'm pillaging your lunch.”

“Then I should stay awake until tiny hungry girlfriend has eaten. It's is my duty...” That way she will have to eat more than a few french fries here and there.

She picks the fork back up and begins to eat the remains of the pot pie.

“Good,” I tell her, “Thank you.”

She scrunches up her nose, “I may have picked up some bad habits while you were away.”

"So, it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere else then? I can get you back to good habits?"

“You missed six months of employee evaluations, Boss,” she says, “I'm going to need lots of supervision.”

“Well, it's a good thing that you're so lovely to look at then,” I tell her, leaning over to give her another kiss.

By the time the nurse comes back to check on me and set things up so I can potentially rest for the night Julia has finished the pie and is curled up against me.